WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to the new food pyramid released Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Democrats have released an alternative food pentagram. The pentagram breaks down the recommended diet into five primary food groups, advising […]
PASADENA, CA — A family of Jehovah’s Witnesses continued their annual tradition of piling into the car and going for a drive to look at houses without Christmas lights. [snip] Jehovah’s Witnesses do not observe […]
U.S. — With the penny no longer being minted, shoe manufacturers announced that they were working hard to replace the old penny loafer slip-on shoe design with an exciting new nickel loafer. Penny loafers got […]
PEARLY GATES — Heavenly sources confirmed that Saint Peter had grown weary running the front desk of Heaven due to the number of questions he continually received about the Nephilim. “Wow, is this Heaven? Cool! […]
U.S. — With SNAP funding temporarily blocked, beneficiaries of the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program are reportedly wishing there were some way to trade their labor and services for money to buy food. “That would be […]
CHICAGO — To reduce spending, the Chicago Police Department has reportedly introduced a new policy where they tape off locations that aren’t murder scenes. “There are so many murders happening on a daily basis that […]
CHICAGO, IL — As the city seeks to push back against President Donald Trump’s efforts to enforce immigration law, Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson told his aides that he hoped their “ICE-Free Zones” would work a […]
MEDITERRANEAN SEA — Greta Thunberg and other members of the latest humanitarian flotilla sailing to Gaza were subjected to unspeakable cruelty by the Israeli Defense Forces, who kidnapped them and then gave them dry sub […]
LOS ANGELES, CA — Democrats gathered together outside the El Capitan Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard, bearing candles and saying silent prayers on behalf of Jimmy Kimmel, whose show, Jimmy Kimmel Live!, was placed on hold […]
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